Fear of Open Adoption - Co-Parenting
Elsewhere in my travels someone made a comment that to them an Open Adoption is equivalent to co-parenting. Now I think there are lots of reasons that a particular individual might not be comfortable with an open adoption, but this is one that makes no sense to me at all. To the extent that parenting is defined as making the day to day decisions on how to care for and raise a child and actually doing so, there is simply no way that an Open Adoption could ever be confused for co-parenting. There is also absolutely no way that such a relationship could ever be forced on an adoptive parent. To the best of my knowledge this is just simply not how it works.
So what is behind statements like this? My own belief is not so much that people have a fear of sharing the parenting, but that they have a fear of sharing the love a child has for their parents. That somehow by entering into an open adoption they will get less “love” from their child.
Is this a reasonable fear? I can only speak for myself and say that I will continue to do whatever I can to make it as easy as possible for my daughter to grow to love her birthfamily and do not worry in the least that this may somehow diminish how she may feel about me.
3 Responses to “Fear of Open Adoption - Co-Parenting”
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I don’t think it’s an unreasonable fear.
I witnessed my mother’s anxiety firsthand, when my sister found her birthmother as a young adult.
When our children our grown, our time with them can become very limited and is highly coveted. Right or wrong, anything that competes for this valuable time can sometimes be resented. Look at all the anxiety sorrounding holidays and inlaws - and who goes where for how long.
Well I will admit that the fear is understandable but I still maintain it is unreasonable and based on insecurity that is not healthy for the parents or children.
I have heard several times from adult adoptees that they would not consider looking for their birthparents for fear of hurting their adoptive parents. I just find that sad for all involved.
New to this forum - thank you Windthrow for the invite.
My husband and I just recently turned in our application to a “Open adoption” ONLY agency. At first - the word “Open Adoption” scared the heck out of us but as time went on, we talked to adoptive parents, talk to adoptees and have a better understanding and appreciation for birth mothers.
We are also filling out our paperwork for China, it is interesting…the contrast in fear elements between the two.
Sheri